We moved into an apartment yesterday. It’s a sweet little unit. Perfect. Affordable. It will help us to tide out the worst of the wet season that is well and truly building up here in the north.
I didn’t have to dig a hole this morning. There was a flushing toilet ready and available. We went to Woolworths and realised that we could buy so many things that we couldn’t before over the past few months because we now have a fridge. We slept on a bed last night.
Yet we feel the oppression of human noise all around us. It is a small and quiet neighborhood compared to most, but we have been living in the bush for the past few months. There is a chainsaw going off somewhere nearby right now, as it did most of yesterday afternoon. The sounds of human industry is jarring to senses now accustomed to silence.
There are many reasons that led us to moving back into civilisation. All of them valid, and some more important and urgent than others.
It was a good journey, but as the wind whispered to me last week, “All chapters have to end, for the next to begin. Life goes on and on in cycles and you cannot remain in one state for long.”
Change. Always change. And always, I am but a humble and faithful devotee to It.
The walls and roof seem to close in on me. I am claustrophobic now, and feel confined. I know I will not stay here long. Sooner or later, the road will call to me again, and I will leave and travel as I am called to. But not now. Not yet.
Now I am in the transition phase from one chapter to the next. Always uncomfortable. Always uncertain. Yet so important, so essential, if one is to be truly alive.
Life is not for comfort. Comfort is the for the lazy. Comfort is overrated. I have learnt that once that is mastered, almost anything can be weathered. Suffering is no longer to be feared, but treated as a normal facet of life.
Does living true to oneself liberate oneself from suffering? Yes and no. Your every choice is a two-edged sword. It is the spoilt child who thinks that he or she can get everything “good”. For every up, there is a down. For every gain, there is a loss. This is a fact of life.
When you choose to live true to your Heart and Spirit, all that happens is you choose what you want to gain, and what you want to lose. And what you lose will cause suffering. But it will be your choice, and that in itself negates the suffering of suffering.
Suffering is a fact of life, and a state of mind. Both, at the same time.